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ARTICLES PAGE TWO
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How Using Humor Can Help You Become Healthier and Enjoy Your Life
by Lisa Schilling
How long has it been
since you really laughed? I mean the kind of laughter that makes you
tear up or double over. Most adults have forgotten to make laughter
and humor part of each day. That should be a tangible goal for every
person. Studies show that happy, humorous people live longer and have
less illness. So don't take yourself too seriously.
Accept yourself just as
you are now, even though there are improvements to be made. (There
will always be things you want to improve.) Accepting where you are,
on the way to where you are going, is vital. Joyce Meyer says, "I'm
not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be."
You too can embrace this positive approach.
Give yourself permission
to be just who you are, and to like who you are, or choose to do
something about it! Those are the only two choices to achieve peace,
if you seek balance in mind, body, and spirit. Be able to laugh,
smile, and say "Oh well" when life hands you lemons. If that is not
your normal personality, it may take some effort before this becomes a
natural way of behaving.
One of the most
overlooked areas of health improvement is the building of meaningful
interpersonal relationships. Today's society values productivity and
personal fulfillment. Lost is a sense of community and
interconnectedness.
By investing in others,
you can take your mind off yourself and your own frustrations. This
can be extremely restorative. Look around for opportunities to help,
encourage, and validate others. This shift in thinking will prove to
set the tone for your healthier lifestyle.
Too often people become
obsessed with the busyness of their own lives. They no longer make
time to casually meet with others and build real relationships because
they are too stressed or too "busy." Remember, you create your
schedule. If you do not have time to sit with a neighbor for thirty
minutes, relax, and have nice conversation-there is a problem.
It is through the
building of this network of strong relationships that people find
support and genuine fulfillment. Acquiring "stuff" or running to
multiple practices and appointments are makings of busyness. Be
careful to examine what you allow to fill your time and see if those
activities align with your values and beliefs. If they do not, you
need to prune them.
When life is ruled by the
"have-tos," there can be little enjoyment or room for real change.
Lifetime wellness and a sense of well-being come from a change in
thinking. If you have never been able to stick to a "diet" or make
those REAL lifestyle changes, it is time to either decide to make it
work this time or decide that you are okay with where you are now.
Fully realize what the
alternative to healthy choices will bring you. Embrace your own
accountability and responsibility! It is all about choice-choices only
you can make.
Consider that you will
eventually harvest the bounty of whatever seeds you plant now. So
plant wisely and use your time fruitfully to reap rewards in
abundance. Sometimes when you feel "buried" in life, when things just
seem like too much, you are really just being "planted." Consider this
is a chance to grow. Keep your chin up, keep attending to your daily
tasks, and you will reap the harvest.
My goal is to help people
through education and motivation. I have been there, and I am often
one of the worst offenders of all the concepts I teach. Even though I
know what to do and why to do it, I don't always choose to! That is
one of the reasons I speak so candidly.
I have learned that
accepting where I am at the time is a main factor in achieving a sense
of well-being. If you always feel bad about yourself because you are
not doing those healthy habits that you know you should do, but don't
feel like doing, you will live in misery.
Set yourself free from a
life of guilt, be accountable for your behaviors and start to enjoy
your life. Experience real joy without stressing over what you think
you "should" be doing. Live your best life now, it is right in front
of you, and you must only embrace it.
Wellness Matters
by Lisa Schilling RN, CPT
Wellness Coach and Fitness Director
Lisa is a
freelance writer and the author of "The Get R.E.A.L. Guide to
Health and Fitness." She is a wife and mother of three boys.
Lisa lives in
rural Missouri and embraces the joys and woes of small town
living. She uses her enthusiasm for health and fitness
promotion to create wellness opportunities for adults and
children in her area.
Lisa feels
passionate about sharing this knowledge and her time to help
others improve their personal health and wellness. As an
outspoken advocate for wellness and prevention, her motto is:
"See one, do one, teach one!"
Visit her
website at:
http://www.getrealwellnesssolutions.com
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_Schilling
back to top |
Dating After Divorce
by David
Anderson Ph.D.
Rosemary Clandos
|
Summary: The
pitfalls of looking for love after divorce.
The rate of divorce in
America remains high, leaving many adult men and women
alone, available and wondering how to maneuver on the
playing field. After years of being in a relationship,
putting yourself back in the singles market can be a
daunting endeavor. Here, David A. Anderson, Ph.D., offers
advice gleaned from his own research and that of other
experts to help you get back into dating mode.
After 19 years of waking up next to the same person,
44-year-old Yolanda*, a marketing consultant, suddenly found
herself greeting mornings alone. Recently divorced, she was
overwhelmed by the mere thought of dating again. Yolanda's
self-esteem was so damaged by her tumultuous breakup that
she worried about her ability to start a new relationship,
not to mention her rusty dating skills. And the pool of
single men looked more like a droplet compared with the
ocean available to her during her younger years.
Yolanda may have felt alone on the playing field, but she
was far from it. According to the U.S. Census Bureau,
approximately nine in 10 people will marry, but about one
half of first marriages end in divorce. Between 1970 and
1996, the number of women living alone doubled to 14.6
million, and the number nearly tripled for men, jumping from
3.5 million to 10.3 million.
With so many single adults out there, one might guess that
there's also a lot of dating going on. Instead, it seems
that the older we get, the less we date. In one study
conducted at the University of Michigan Institute for Social
Research, social psychologist Jerald G. Bachman, Ph.D.,
found that nearly 50 percent of 18-year-olds go out at least
once a week, compared with only approximately 25 percent of
32-year-olds.
While it's true that some people simply choose not to date,
others want to but don't know how to go about it or can't
overcome their negative self-thoughts. So how can those who
are struggling with these obstacles successfully and
healthfully re-enter the dating arena? First, it's important
to set appropriate personal standards. In particular, will
you play hard to get or be an easy catch? I call the
manifestation of these standards one's "social price." The
more you have to offer in a relationship, the more you can
expect in return, thus increasing your appropriate social
price. Factors that help determine your social price include
your ability to bring desirable traits such as inner
strength, kindness, intelligence and affection to a
relationship.
Working with Shigeyuyki Hamori, an economist at Kobe
University in Japan, I researched methods for estimating the
qualities and contributions of marriage prospects. We
hypothesized that singles seeking relationships assess
unseen qualities in others based on social price as it is
reflected in actions, body language and verbal
communication. We concluded that those exhibiting
self-confident assertions of dating standards are perceived
as holding relatively more promise as marriage partners.
Conversely, those who appear insecure and desperate, call a
love interest excessively or engage in sexual activity too
soon send signals that they hold inferior unseen traits.
So just as we tend to assume that expensive cars are better
than similar, cheaper ones, we may also conclude that those
demonstrating high social prices have unobserved qualities
superior to those with lower social prices. But be wary:
Overselling also occurs. For instance, individuals with a
substantial income but little else to offer may exaggerate
their social price. And as with any type of price
misrepresentation, true quality eventually surfaces. In the
dating market, this can translate into a broken
relationship.
At the core, inaccurate social pricing is a by-product of
low self-esteem and other negative self-emotions. "Fear
absolutely devastates some people," says clinical
psychologist Michael S. Broder, Ph.D., a former
radio-talk-show host and author of The Art of Living Single.
"It can be the fear of being hurt, rejected or involved, and
it can stem from a history of having been hurt or of
traumatic relationships. People can be very proficient in
other parts of their lives, but the fear of dating can make
them stay alone or pine for the relationship they left."
Others rebound or get involved in another relationship too
soon. Their desperation usually stems from sadness, guilt,
anger or anxiety about being alone. "You get this feeling
that you're in the worst possible situation in your life,"
Broder explains. "Then you may do what you later consider
desperate: a one-night stand, calling the ex or ignoring
intuitive warnings and jumping into a bad relationship you
would never choose if you weren't feeling reckless."
Fortunately, it is possible to avoid these and other
pitfalls when seeking out a new partner. If you're ready to
get back in the saddle again, here are five key tips to help
you on your way.
1. Develop A (New) Support Group
It's natural to turn to old friends for support. They know
and care about you, and they typically have your best
interests in mind. But more often it's new friends who will
better help you adjust to your new life. That's because
friends shared with your ex often unwittingly take sides,
and either alliance can prove a hindrance when introducing
someone new into your life. Old friends may lack the proper
interest or compassion, and they may even be jealous of your
newfound freedom.
"My divorce split our extended families and friends," says
Yolanda of her and her ex-husband. "But my new friends had a
fresh perspective that helped my self-esteem. Those who were
single had confidence that was contagious; that really
helped me when I started going out again as a single person.
And sometimes they offered good advice."
Do use discretion when listening to others' words of wisdom,
advises Broder. "Solutions that worked for a friend may be a
disaster for you. If you don't want advice, be assertive and
let people know that advice giving is off-limits unless it's
requested."
For the most part, however, friendship is a vital ingredient
in the recovery process. "Facing things alone can take a
toll on you," says Broder. "Friends can help you see that
dating doesn't have to be so serious."
2. Assess Your Self-Worth
People with low self-esteem tend to create relationships
with others who evaluate them negatively, suggests one study
on self-concept done by William B. Swann Jr., Ph.D., a
University of Texas psychology professor. If you're
suffering from a negative self-image, it's vital you take
steps to create a positive, healthy self-concept.
Begin by making a list of your positive qualities, then hang
it in your home where you'll see it regularly, suggest Bruce
Fisher, Ed.D., Robert Alberti, Ph.D., and Virginia M. Satir,
M.A., in their book Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends.
Sharing your list with your support group and asking for
honest feedback will help you to work on clearing up any
discrepancies between your self-image and the real you.
Broder also recommends making a list of new beliefs and
affirmations that you'd like to incorporate into your
thinking system. Read aloud these new self-concepts often,
regardless of how you're feeling, to help solidify them in
your mind.
For Yolanda, a brief relationship five years after her
divorce made her realize she had to adjust her mind-set. "I
felt ashamed about all of the times I'd say yes when my
answer was really no," she says now. "The consequences were
painful, but I didn't believe I could completely change the
pattern. Then I took the advice you hear about in 12-step
programs and turned it over to God -- my higher power.
Moving forward and forgiving myself became easier."
People who feel victimized after a breakup may do well to
develop a bold -- or even defiant -- attitude. Psychologists
at the University of Washington and Canada's University of
Waterloo recently found that feelings of resignation and
sadness make people with low self-esteem less motivated to
improve their mood. "When you feel defiant you become
excited, confident and ready to take action," says Broder.
"You take care of yourself, making it pretty clear that you
are not going to be ruined by divorce. It's a very healthy
thing to do."
3. Plan Activities
You won't find a new mate -- or even a new friend -- while
sitting on the couch, your television on, curtains drawn.
Consider your post-relationship time as an opportunity to do
the things you couldn't do while you were with your ex.
Create a list of 20 activities you would enjoy doing with a
perfect partner, then give the list a second look. "Rarely
do people have more than three or four things on their list
that they cannot do if they're not in a relationship," says
Broder. "Be active; don't feel like your whole life is on
hold."
Today's singles are finding luck -- and love -- in
nonconventional ways. After her 17-year relationship ended,
Lili*, a 43-year-old writer, re-entered the dating arena by
joining a telephone dating service. Instead of meeting men
for dinner, she invited them for daytime walks in a
well-populated park. "They weren't dates; they were
interviews," says Lili, who admits that taking the first
step was difficult. "If I liked them, we went for coffee."
Laura*, a 49-year-old financial adviser, also missed
companionship after her 24-year marriage dissolved. "I don't
sit with problems for very long," she says. "I knew what I
wanted and went after it." Laura joined an online dating
service and eventually met her soon-to-be second husband.
Joseph Walther, Ph.D., an associate professor of
communication, language and literature at Troy, New York's
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, found that people who use
Internet dating services such as Match.com may achieve more
beginning-stage emotional intimacy than they do in
face-to-face situations. Single surfers don't have to worry
about common first-impression concerns such as bad-hair days
and wrinkled clothes, Walther points out. Plus, they don't
see body-language cues such as shrugging and smirking that
can create barriers in communication. Currently, cyber
researchers believe that as much as 33 percent of
friendships formed online eventually advance to face-to-face
meetings.
4. Curb Unhealthy Cravings
When we are in emotional pain, our feelings often don't
coincide with our intellect and instead manifest themselves
as cravings that can prove unhealthy and self-destructive.
Cravings usually plague people who have zero tolerance for a
single lifestyle and want to jump into a new relationship as
soon as their breakup is final. Also susceptible are
individuals with low self-evaluation who are convinced they
can't make it alone. Fortunately, while such cravings may
feel overwhelming and unavoidable, Broder asserts that they
don't have to be.
Take Julie*, a 42-year-old college student in Southern
California whose need for immediate passion led her to make
decisions despite intuitively knowing they were unwise. "I
kept going out with men who did not have the potential for a
long-term relationship," she confesses. "One had problems
with his ex-wife, another wouldn't marry outside of his
religion. After getting hurt many times, I finally decided
to be more careful when choosing men. I'm still prone to my
old behavior, but I'm more apt to say no to men who are a
poor match for me."
To short-circuit cravings, Broder suggests doing something
that actively breaks the pattern and makes you approach the
situation in a healthier way. Call someone in your support
group, share your unwanted tendencies and ask that he or she
invite you out when you fall into bad habits. And consider
keeping a journal of the things that successfully distract
you from your urges, such as renting a funny movie or going
for a long walk, that you can turn to the next time cravings
crop up.
5. Prepare for Pitfalls
Certain times of the year -- holidays, anniversaries and
birthdays, for instance -- are harder to navigate than
others because they are loaded with expectations and
memories. After a separation or divorce, social
configurations change, making feelings of loss and
loneliness more intense. Perfectionists tend to struggle
most during the holidays, according to Broder. High
expectations lead them to dwell on favorite memories of
their past and compare them with current situations.
Garrett*, an optometrist in his mid-40s, remembers that his
first Christmas alone was a tough one. "Weeks prior to the
holidays were extremely difficult because the traditions
were highly disrupted," he says. "Not being in my own home
and not having a closeness with someone was difficult, and I
felt very much afraid of not finding someone again."
To cope, Garrett stuck close to his family. "You stitch
together the connections that you have," he says. "It was
piecemeal and patchwork, but it was critical for me. I also
looked for other ways to divert my attention. I organized a
staff party, participated in a musical and cooked at other
people's homes."
Garrett got it right, according to Sally Karioth, Ph.D.,
R.N., an associate nursing professor at Florida State
University and an expert on stress, grief and trauma.
Karioth points again to planning as the key to reducing
stress and meeting new people. Don't be afraid to ask for
help organizing new activities, and break tasks into smaller
chores to fend off feelings of being overwhelmed. Broder
also suggests avoiding holiday comparisons and focusing
instead on the enjoyable aspects of current and future ones.
"You'll get through, and then you won't fear it anymore,"
says Broder. "It may not be the best of your life, but it
may not be the horror you thought it would be."
Ultimately, the best tip for re-entering the dating game is
to explore various action strategies and choose those that
are most comfortable for you. For some, getting into the
right frame of mind before taking the leap is essential. For
others, simply trying something new or even uncomfortable
works. You know yourself best, so trust your inner wisdom.
If you are ready to find new love, take heart: More than 40
percent of weddings in America are remarriages. But don't
feel obligated to rush into another marriage, either -- the
U.S. Census Bureau reports that 60 percent of second
marriages end in divorce. Now that you're single it's
perfectly acceptable to remain so if that's what you prefer.
As Broder says, "What you do with your life now is up to
you."
* Identities have been changed.
Article courtesy of
www.psychologytoday.com
back to top |
The Making of the Modern Dad
by
Douglas Carlton Abrams
|
Summary: It takes a lot more
than testosterone to make a father out of a man. Research
shows that hormonal changes in both sexes help shape men
into devoted dads. If testosterone is the defining hormone
of masculinity, it's time to redefine manhood.
One of my
first memories growing up was wishing that my father would
be home more" recalls Andrew Hudnut M.D, a family doctor
in Sacramento, California. "I was 8, and we had just
returned from a canoe trip. I remember thinking, 'I don't
want a bigger house or more money. I just want my dad
around.'"
When his wife gave birth,
Hudnut arranged his practice so he could be home to take
care of his son, Seamus, two days a week; he sees patients
on the other three workdays. "It was a very natural
transition," he reports. "I'm grateful to have the
opportunity my father never had."
Part of a new generation
of men who are redefining fatherhood and masculinity,
Hudnut, who is 33, is unwilling to accept the role of
absentee provider that his father's generation assumed.
With mothers often being the breadwinners of the family,
many young fathers are deciding that a man's place can
also be in the home—part-time or even full-time.
According to census
figures, one in four dads takes care of his preschooler
during the time the mother is working. The number of
children who are raised by a primary-care father is now
more than 2 million and counting. By all measures,
fathers, even those who work full-time, are more involved
in their children's lives than ever before. According to
the Families and Work Institute in New York City, fathers
now provide three-fourths of the child care mothers do, up
from one-half 30 years ago.
Is
Father Nurture Natural?
Many men and women wonder
if all of this father care is really natural. According to
popular perceptions, men are supposedly driven by their
hormones (primarily testosterone) to compete for status,
to seek out sex and even to be violent—conditions hardly
conducive to raising kids. A recent article in Reader's
Digest, "Why Men Act As They Do," is subtitled "It's
the Testosterone, Stupid." Calling the hormone "a metaphor
for masculinity," the article concludes, "...testosterone
correlates with risk: physical, criminal, and personal."
Don't men's testosterone-induced chest-beating and
risk-taking limit their ability to cradle and comfort
their children?
Two Canadian studies
suggest that there is much more to masculinity than
testosterone. While testosterone is certainly important in
driving men to conceive a child, it takes an array of
other hormones to turn men into fathers. And among the
best fathers, it turns out, testosterone levels actually
drop significantly after the birth of a child. If manhood
includes fatherhood, which it does for a majority of men,
then testosterone is hardly the ultimate measure of
masculinity.
In fact, the second of the
two studies, which was recently published in the Mayo
Clinic Proceedings, suggests that fathers have higher
levels of estrogen the well-known female sex hormone—than
other men. The research shows that men go through
significant hormonal changes alongside their pregnant
partners changes most likely initiated by their partner's
pregnancy and ones that even cause some men to experience
pregnancy-like symptoms such as nausea and weight gain. It
seems increasingly clear that just as nature prepares
women to be committed moms, it prepares men to be devoted
dads.
"I have always suspected
that fatherhood has biological effects in some, perhaps
all, men," says biologist Sue Carter, distinguished
professor at the University of Maryland. "Now here is the
first hard evidence that men are biologically prepared for
fatherhood."
The studies have the
potential to profoundly change our understanding of
families, of fatherhood and of masculinity itself. Being a
devoted parent is not only important but also natural for
men. Indeed, there is evidence that men are biologically
involved in their children's lives from the beginning.
Is
Biology Destiny for Dads?
It's well known that
hormonal changes caused by pregnancy encourage a mother to
love and nurture her child. But it has long been assumed
that a father's attachment to his child is the result of a
more uncertain process, a purely optional emotional
bonding that develops over time, often years. Male animals
in some species undergo hormonal changes that prime them
for parenting. But do human dads? The two studies,
conducted at Memorial University and Queens University in
Canada, suggest that human dads do.
In the original study,
published in Evolution and Human Behavior,
psychologist Anne Storey, and her colleagues took blood
samples from 34 couples at different times during
pregnancy and shortly after birth. The researchers chose
to monitor three specific hormones because of their links
to nurturing behavior in human mothers and in animal
fathers.
The first hormone,
prolactin, gets its name from the role it plays in
promoting lactation in women, but it also instigates
parental behavior in a number of birds and mammals. Male
doves who are given prolactin start brooding and feeding
their young, Storey found that in human fathers, prolactin
levels rise by approximately 20 percent during the three
weeks before their partners give birth.
The second hormone,
cortisol, is well known as a stress hormone, but it is
also a good indicator of a mother's attachment to her
baby. New mothers who have high cortisol levels can detect
their own infant by odor more easily than mothers with
lower cortisol levels. The mothers also respond more
sympathetically to their baby's cries and describe their
relationship with their baby in more positive terms.
Storey and her colleagues found that for expectant
fathers, cortisol was twice as high in the three weeks
before birth than earlier in the pregnancy.
Biologist Katherine
Wynne-Edwards, who conducted the research with Storey,
explains that while cortisol is seen as the "fight or
flight" hormone, it might more accurately be described as
the
"heads-up-eyes-forward-something-really-important-is-happening"
hormone. It may help prepare parents for approaching
birth. Cortisol levels normally increase in women as
pregnancy advances; indeed, a cumulative rise in
stress-hormone levels sets off labor and delivery.
The third hormone,
testosterone, is abundant in male animals during mating
but decreases during nurturing. If bird fathers are given
testosterone, they spend more time defending their
territory and mating than taking care of existing
offspring. Research has shown that human males experience
a surge in testosterone when they win sporting events and
other competitions.
In Storey's study,
testosterone levels plunged 33 percent in fathers during
the first three weeks after birth. Levels then returned to
normal by the time the babies were four to seven weeks
old. However brief the dip in testosterone, it may have
effects that endure for the life of the child. According
to University of California at Riverside psychologist Ross
Parke, it may "let the nurturing side of men come to
center stage." The dip may set in motion the
more-cooperative, less-competitive enterprise of
parenting. By encouraging fathers to interact with their
kids, this brief hormonal change might actually induce the
bonding process.
Estrogen and the Daddy Brain
Wynne-Edwards and graduate
student Sandra Berg designed another study to test Storey
and Wynne-Edwards' earlier findings. They measured the
hormone levels of the fathers over a longer period of time
and incorporated into the study a control group of men who
had never had children. The control group was matched by
age, season and time of day tested—all of which can affect
hormone levels. Finally, by using saliva samples instead
of blood draws, they were able to test the fathers and the
men in the control group much more frequently.
In addition to confirming
the earlier findings for testosterone reduction and
cortisol change, the researchers also found that the
fathers had elevated levels of estrogen. The increase
started 30 days before birth and continued during all 12
weeks of testing after birth. Although estrogen is best
known as a female sex hormone, it exists in small
quantities in men, too. Animal studies show that estrogen
can induce nurturing behavior in males.
Acting in the brain as
well as in other parts of the body, estrogen in men, and
testosterone in women, makes humans extremely versatile
behaviorally. "We spend an awful lot of time looking for
differences between the sexes and trumpeting them when we
find them," observes Wynne-Edwards, "but our brains are
remarkably similar, built from the same DNA."
In fact, going into the
study, Wynne-Edwards predicted that the "daddy brain"
would use the same nerve circuits, triggered by many of
the same hormones, as the "mommy brain." "If Mother Nature
wanted to turn on parental behavior in a male," she
reasoned, "the easiest thing would be to turn on pathways
already there for maternal behavior."
The studies also found
that a father's hormonal changes closely paralleled those
of his pregnant partner.
The
Intimacy Effect
The researchers believe
that intimate contact and communication between partners
may induce the hormonal changes that encourage a father to
nurture his children. Storey explains, "My best guess is
that women's hormone levels are timed to the birth—and
men's hormone levels are tied to their partners."
Exactly how this occurs is
unknown. There may be actual physiological signals
exchanged between partners in close contact, such as the
transmission of pheromones. Similar to odors, pheromones
are volatile chemical substances that animals constantly
give off through their skin or sweat but that are
undetectable. Pheromones can stimulate specific
reactions—especially mating—in other animals. Think of a
female dog in heat attracting all those barking mate dogs
in the neighborhood.
Classic studies show that
menstruation is communicated, and synchronized, through
pheromones among dorm mates in college. If women in dorms
respond to one another's pheromones, then a man and a
woman who share intimate space could certainly communicate
chemical messages. These pheromones could biologically cue
a man that his partner is pregnant and kick off the
hormonal changes that prompt him to be a dad in deed as
well as in seed. Pregnancy certainly could, in fact, be
signaled.
The level of intimacy
within a couple seems to be a factor in how a mother's
body chemically signals approaching birth to a father. All
of the men tested were living with their pregnant
partners. Emotional closeness may also generate hormonal
changes, although this possibility was not examined in
detail. Still, couples reported feeling closer to their
partner if they were taking about the baby and sharing
details about the pregnancy.
Whether this is the cause
or the result of hormonal changes remains unknown for now.
But the intimacy effect and the subsequent hormonal shifts
may also be the reason many men experience pregnancylike
symptoms.
Honey,
We're Pregnant
When he is not taking care
of Seamus, Hudnut treats both men and women in his
practice. He recalls several patients who came to him
complaining of such typical pregnancy symptoms as weight
gain and nausea—all of whom were men. He remembers one
second-time father who knew that his wife was pregnant
even before she told him. He started having morning
sickness, just as he had during her first pregnancy.
Pregnancy symptoms in men
are actually more common than most people believe. Two
studies found that approximately 90 percent of men
experience at least one pregnancy-related symptom,
sometimes severe enough to prompt an expectant father to
seek medical help.
According to a study
reported in Annals of Internal Medicine, more than
20 percent of men with pregnant wives sought care for
symptoms related to pregnancy "that could not otherwise be
objectively explained." Unfortunately, like pregnancy
symptoms in women, there is little that can be done to
make the symptoms go away—except wait.
Pregnancy symptoms in men,
however well documented, are generally dismissed as being
all in the father-to-be's head. Now it seems they may also
be in his hormones. Storey and her colleagues found that
the men who experienced more pregnancy symptoms actually
had higher levels of prolactin. They also had a greater
reduction in testosterone after exposure to sounds of
crying and other "infant cues" that simulated the
experience of being with an actual baby.
For men who feel nauseated
or gain weight, no one yet knows for sure whether the
changes in hormones are to blame. Surging hormones,
however, have long been blamed for women's morning
sickness and other pregnancy side effects. The fact that
men also experience hormone changes suggests it is more
than empathy that causes many of them to feel their
partner's pain.
Changed by a Child
While it now seems a
father may accompany his wife on her hormonal roller
coaster during pregnancy, interacting with the baby may
keep his hormones spinning even after the birth.
It's no secret that
hormone levels can change in response to behavior. Sex,
sports and work success can all send testosterone
production spiraling upward. Might not nurturing a
child—or conversely, the sight, sound and smell of a
newborn—also change fathers' levels of testosterone?
In the original study, the
researchers asked couples to hold dolls that had been
wrapped in receiving blankets worn by a newborn within the
preceding 24 hours. (After their wives gave birth, fathers
held their actual baby.) They listened to a six-minute
tape of a real newborn crying and then watched a video of
a baby struggling to breast-feed. The investigators took
blood from the men and women before the test and 30
minutes later.
What they found is
startling: Men who expressed the greatest desire to
comfort the crying baby had the highest prolactin levels
and the greatest reduction in testosterone. And
testosterone levels plummeted in those men who held the
doll for the full half-hour.
Even though scientists
have long observed changes in animal and human behavior as
a result of shifting hormone levels, they do not yet
understand exactly how hormones accomplish such change.
The hormone-behavior link remains one of the great
mysteries of the brain. Perhaps hormones stimulate more
neuron connections in the part of the brain responsible
for nurturing. Or perhaps hormones encourage neurons in
nurturing pathways to fire more quickly.
Wynne-Edwards thinks
hormones might turn a two-lane pathway in the father's
brain into a four-lane superhighway. A neural road
expansion might make fathers better able to recognize the
smell or sound of their baby. It might even act on smell
receptors in the nose to mitigate the smell of a baby's
dirty diaper. Countless are the ways in which hormones
could influence a father's brain to be more responsive to
his baby.
Home
on the Range
Although testosterone may
be the "primary" male sex hormone, research makes it clear
that other hormones are also significant, especially
during the transition into fatherhood Wynne-Edwards
believes the research is "a validation of the experiences
that men know they have had. It also goes a long way to
bumping testosterone off its pedestal as the only hormone
that is important to men."
Parke believes that the
research suggests something even more radical: "Men are
much more androgynous than we think." We have the
capability to be aggressive and nurturing. The traditional
view of men as predominantly aggressive really sells men
short and denies their capability to experience the range
of human emotions.
The research suggests that
a man's hormones may play an important role in helping him
experience this full range of emotions especially in
becoming a loving and devoted dad. In fact, it offers the
first evidence that to nurture is part of man's nature.
Article courtesy:
www.psychologytoday.com
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Elderly
stereotypes are hazardous to our health
By Ilan Shrira on July
16, 2010
Think of the
last time you went to buy a funny birthday card for
a friend. Can you remember what some of the cards
said, what their punchlines were? Chances are many
of them joked about old age leading to memory loss,
senility, loss of sexuality, or physical
disabilities. Each card may have looked like
innocent fun, but taken as a whole, our regular
exposure to these negative assumptions about old age
leads us to implicitly accept them.
Stereotypes
of the elderly are stronger and more negative than
we realize, often expressed in subtle and seemingly
harmless ways, escaping our notice.
Consider a
recent Snickers commercial that depicts octogenarian
actress Betty White playing hard-nosed tackle
football. Its humor is driven by everyone's
expectation that a woman her age could never do
this. We know the commercial's meant to be
tongue-in-cheek, so where's the harm in that? The
problem is that portrayals like this reinforce the
underlying assumption that elderly people are frail
and helpless (while ironically, portraying Betty
White as tough).
Negative
stereotypes of the elderly are by no means
universal—they depend on how a society views
closeness to extended family, dependence on others,
and traditional ideals (for example, that being old
and wise is something to aspire to). These values
are de-emphasized in Western cultures, where elderly
people are treated especially badly.
When we
become aware of prejudice, we're usually concerned
with how it affects the people who are targeted.
However, negative stereotypes of the elderly also
carry a terrible cost for those who hold
the stereotypes, in a way that no other kind of
prejudice does. Unlike markers of race, disability,
social class, and other stigmas, old age is the
only group that everyone will someday belong to
(if you're lucky, that is). Hence, young people who
have negative perceptions of the elderly will
eventually develop negative perceptions of
themselves. Negative perceptions of the elderly
don't just magically disappear once you become part
of the demographic; deeply-held assumptions tend to
be persistent.
We also
know that when people come to accept the negative
stereotypes directed at their own group, this can
short circuit their thinking and cause the
stereotypes to become self-fulfilling prophecies.
For example, imagine someone who's an average math
student but believes herself to be very bad at it.
Although she has the ability to do well, every time
she takes a math exam or is asked to calculate a
restaurant tip, she gets anxious and makes
mistakes—so that her assumptions about herself wind
up getting confirmed. A similar process occurs when
elderly people buy into the assumptions they see on
birthday cards and in mainstream culture.
Elderly
people who hold negative beliefs about aging—such as
the belief that mental and physical health
inevitably get worse with age; or that things like
arthritis, difficulty sleeping, and heart disease
are normal aspects of aging—end up performing worse
on short-term memory and hearing acuity tests. More
alarmingly, long-running studies
find that people who hold these beliefs are more
likely to suffer heart attacks and strokes, take
longer to recover from them, and have a
significantly lower life expectancy. These outcomes
are not caused by poorer health to begin with, or to
personality differences, but instead are directly
predicted by positive vs. negative beliefs about
aging. (To see how these beliefs are measured, you
can find examples
here.)
How can
these beliefs actually shape our physical and mental
health? What are the mechanisms involved?
A big way
is through a person's health-maintenance behaviors.
People who believe that health can be improved
through a better diet, exercise, and getting regular
physicals—these are examples of positive aging
beliefs—are more likely to maintain these activities
and stay healthier in the long run. They're also
more likely to discuss health issues with their
doctor and to take their prescribed medications. In
contrast, people who believe that aging inevitably
leads to deteriorating health are less motivated to
engage in health-promoting behaviors, believing them
to be pointless (and ultimately causing their
assumptions about aging to get confirmed.)
Negative
self-stereotypes are also harmful because they
produce stress. For instance, exposing elderly
people to negative age stereotypes—like the jokes
you see on birthday cards—triggers physiological
stress responses (e.g., increases in heart rate and
blood pressure), which damages health over time.
When you consider how frequently these stereotypes
get transmitted in everyday life, this extra stress
is sure to increase the risk of cardiovascular
disease and other health problems.
Despite
their effects on older people, holding these
stereotypes doesn't impair the functioning of young
people, who don't see them as applying to
themselves. In fact, holding these beliefs may
actually be empowering to young people—making them
feel healthier, more competent, and better off by
comparison. This sense of superiority is likely a
big reason people cling to these beliefs.
The
aversion toward old age is also driven by our fear
of it—at the prospect of losing our independence,
appearing vulnerable, changes in our appearance, and
death. However, spurning old age, while it can be
temporarily comforting, ends up being a destructive
way to deal with our fears.
A first
step to changing our assumptions is to simply be
aware of the extreme negativity that gets associated
with old age, and learn not to get caught up in it.
Even more important, we need to cultivate positive
beliefs about aging, since even small reminders of
them can make a big difference. For example, when
elderly people are briefly shown positive stereotype
words—such as accomplished, enlightened,
insightful, nurturing, wise—this immediately
improves their all-around functioning: producing
better memory, reduced stress, greater
self-confidence, and more positive perceptions of
aging.
These
positive perceptions can be sustained in the long
run as well. One way is by creating a mental image
of what you want to be like in your 70s and
80s, a realistic version of your best possible self.
By considering your best future self, "old age" will
no longer be this distant event that's seen through
the lens of our cultural stereotypes. Instead,
envisioning your future self is a great way to
clarify which long-term goals are important to you
(e.g., good health, good relationships), motivating
you to pursue these goals and giving you a sense of
control over your future. (Tip: Writing
about your best future self is even more effective
than just imagining it.)
We're fully
capable of improving our perceptions about aging
(and thus making them more realistic). Doing so will
require active maintenance strategies, though, given
all the negativity we're exposed to about it. To
continue to passively accept this mentality is
dangerous—we need to accept that our beliefs are
integral to our health and well-being in later life.
(This post was
co-authored by Josh Foster.)
article
brought to you by:
www.psychologytoday.com
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From a
Caregiver’s Perspective
By Linda S.
Thompson
(This article was published in the Senior Outlook
magazine, May 2006 issue)
You are a
Baby Boomer. You may be married; or may be single.
You may be a homeowner or may rent. You may be a
parent or not. You have a career. You may be a
business owner, an executive, an entrepreneur. You
are a working caregiver. You are stressed out,
tired and overwhelmed. You need a break. What can
you do?
Sound
familiar? For those of us who have, are, or will
be working caregivers to an elderly loved one,
these statements are all too true! How do we
balance the juggling act of spouse, children,
career, parents needing help, and still retain a
sense of who we are?
This is a
growing epidemic that most do not speak about; an
epidemic that is rapidly overwhelming us all,
specifically us Boomers. Rarely do we hear
complaining because there is no time to complain,
let alone time for one’s self. With this epidemic
comes symptoms of exhaustion, guilt, and loss of
one’s personal life just to name a few. The
amazing part of it all is that it not only strikes
women, but has increasingly become something men
experience and rarely mention.
Male or
female, if you are one of us, you recognize the
signs in others. The look of worry, lack of sleep,
stressed, and even more apparent the affect on
one’s career. It is the life of a caregiver. And
at the very least, it can be overwhelming. Your
caregiving responsibilities may be 24 hours a day,
7 days a week. But you could be a long distance
caregiver. Perhaps a part time caregiver, sharing
responsibilities with a sibling, a spouse or your
children. No matter the time involved, the
obligations and demands on you are dragging you
down.
Caregiving
need not be a lonely and emotionally debilitating
experience. According to the latest statistics on
caregiving from the National Family Caregivers
Association, nearly half of the U. S. population
has a chronic condition. From that number, 41
million are limited in their daily activities
while 12 million are unable to live independently
or even leave the house. One can deduce from these
numbers that there are millions of family
caregivers out there, and with a little research,
you can find a lot of support groups.
There are
websites offering support and tips for relieving
the stress placed on those of us who are 24 hour
caregivers. But the one thing we must understand
is that all the support, tips and advice in the
world won’t do much good if we don’t listen and
follow at least some of it. Caregiving is much
like the instructions a flight attendant gives you
before takeoff. They tell you to put your own
oxygen mask on first, before trying to help
someone else. That’s right – if you don’t take
care of you, the two of you will need care. What a
fine mess that would be!
If you work
for a company, a good place to start is to ask
your supervisor or human resources group if they
know of any resources to help you. Those resources
could range from referrals to non-medical home
care agencies to a provider for an emergency
response system. It could mean lunch time classes
for you and your coworkers to learn about these
products and services, as well as how to manage
the myriad of other concerns such as financial,
legal, and end of life issues.
Ask if your
church, temple, synagogue or mosque if they offer
assistance and information on elder care. Perhaps
they have a visiting nurse that could make an
assessment of your loved one’s circumstances.
Maybe you find a support group of people
experiencing the same issues you are going
through. It helps to just talk it out.
You must
take time for you. If you are stopping by Dad’s
house everyday and a short visit turns into
several hours, there are things that aren’t
getting done in your life. Does he need to visit
his Doctor? Who takes him? Does Mom need
groceries? If so, are you responsible for
shopping? Are they eating nourishing meals if left
alone? All these little things take you away from
your job, your family and your life.
Consider
hiring a non-medical home care company to help you
out. Even if it’s just to fix and share a meal at
lunchtime, it will certainly ease your load. Go to
the movies; go to the spa, whatever makes you feel
good and don’t feel guilty about it.
Everything
we do in life can be viewed as a positive or a
negative. Try to look at your caregiving as a
positive in your life. Accept that your elder
loved one didn’t ask to be a burden on you, but
that it’s something that happens to every one. It
will give you the chance to really get to know
that person in ways you never thought possible.
Ask them to tell you stories and learn from their
experiences. But keep in mind, that even though
you’ve heard the same story over and over, they
won’t be with you forever and when they are gone,
you’ll wish you could hear the story again. Also
remember that you will be following in their
footsteps. Yes, none of us are getting any younger
and when our elders are gone, we become the
"seniors."
Linda S.
Thompson
www.LifePathSolutions.biz
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